Yup it's confirmed, my family on my mom's side is redneck... I had a cousin hit on me.
Was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I ate so much spicy shit it feels like i'm giving birth to fucking dragons.
Holy shit the other night i went skinny dipping with a few girls while drunk, got a boner, and then one of the girls commented on the largeness of my cock.... best night ever?
Duude. just got pulled over. cop told me he could clearly see the smoke pouring out my windows and that i smelt like "reefer". said it looked like a chimney and told me to roll my windows up. then drove off. total win.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
(sent) Dude!!!! that random hot chick sucked my dick right before I left the party! (recv'd) Dang. she made out with me after you left.
(sent) So... when am I gonna get some from you? (recv'd) When your dick grows 3 inches
I just accidentally fingered myself while staring at a picture of my uncle
Don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "Who let the dogs out"
I woke up with sémen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Totally just spent 4 hours on the toilet at Barnes & Nobles so i could read a book i didn't want to pay for... God my life is worthless
