The MAP is built-in hardware that performs some kind of computations very quickly. For example, they got MAP functions that perform RSA, DES, IDEA, SHA-1, etc. There is some limited source code that "preps" the data before it goes into these hardwired map calls, but thats it. YOu can't change those hardwired map calls. THey are fixed. So when Mr. Viewsat says he has the MAP dump, he just means he has some source code that preps the data before is goes into the hardwired circuit that spits out the data. YOu can't dump a hardwired circuit. It is there forever and only the people who laid the transistors know what it does. That is why Mr. Viewsat' claims are so ludicrous. He would have been more believable if he said "we have broken the MAP57 cipher and we will implement a simulated fix soon". But instead they say they have dumped the MAP and can emulate everything. Statements like that don't make sense. You can't dump a hardwired circuit - plain and simple.
Nonsense post. I can go into detail as to why, but I really don't want to waste my time, a lengthy post will just open myself up to name calling to nth degree. To everyone else, believe what you want to believe.
An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.
A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.
"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.
"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"
"A rose?" asked the neighbor.
"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 226 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:17 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 227 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:18 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 228 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:21 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the Indian, "I don't see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The Indian replies, "Ear sticky".
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 229 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:25 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.
Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 212 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:30 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the 1500's baths equaled a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 213 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:32 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the 1500's houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the pets... dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
Omar San Silver Member Username: Bobkakabobkaka
Post Number: 317 Registered: Jun-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:35 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a nice thread...some quiet peace for a while...ahhh...beautiful.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 230 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:35 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 214 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:38 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the 1500's there was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. So, they found if they made beds with big posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem. Hence those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies. I wonder if this is where we get the saying "Good night and don't let the bed bugs bite"...
rob Silver Member Username: Alpha11
Post Number: 191 Registered: Jun-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:39 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 231 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:40 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 215 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:42 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They cooked in the kitchen in a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They mostly ate vegetables and didn't get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in there for a month. Hence the rhyme peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 216 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:44 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust".
mussawel Silver Member Username: Mussawel
JAKARTA , CAIRO JAPAN
Post Number: 328 Registered: Dec-05 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:44 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- here's a good one...
PIRATE PETE; PIRATE PETE OR IS IN TAYARAN? DOESN't MATTER I SEE YOU LAUGH AT YOUR OWN JOKES!!! F*UCK YOU MUST BE DISTURBED!!! HEY YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT US N*GGERS: YEA THATS RIGHT WE CARRY "BIG ONE" BETWEEN OUR LEGS!!! SO HAVE YOUR FUN MORON CAUSE WHEN IM DONE WITH YOUR A*SSHOLE IT WOULDN"T BE GOOD EVEN FOR S*HITTIN!!!
SEE YOU SOON; MY BEAAAATCCHHH!!!!!
PS. DONT BE SAD THAT GOD MADE YOU F*UCKIN MORONS WITH LITTLE TINY D*ICKS THAT YOU NEED A F*UCKIN FALSHLIGHT TO FIND!!! CHEER UP IT COULD BE WORSE; YEA YOU COULD HAVE BORN MY WIFE!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 232 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:47 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Tayaran i.e. Flying Silver Member Username: Tayaran
Post Number: 153 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:47 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mussawel: I am not your father, you might want to go on the Jerry Springer show, maybe you'll be lucky finding him ...
holla Bronze Member Username: Masti2003
Post Number: 19 Registered: Jan-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:55 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HI HAVE A GOOD JOKE TO SHARE
ONE DAY A BOY GOES TO THE CHURCH AND ASKED THE FATHER THAT FATHER WHAT DO YOU DO FOR PAST TIME
THEN THE FATHER SAID NUN MY SONNE NUN...,
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 234 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:58 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TOP TEN LINES FROM INTERNET CHAT ROOMS
1 You're different... I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.
2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile... but tell me more about yourself.
3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited.
4 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!
5 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.
6 Yes of course I'm female...
7 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.
8 No this is my only screen name... You mean you can have more then one?
9 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)
10 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I'm h0rny and could care less, just type)
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 217 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 09:58 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 218 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:03 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The 2 most important rules in life: --------------------------------
1. Don't tell everything you know
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 235 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:03 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
fatbastard Bronze Member Username: Fatbastard
10 Albany Rd. Tonawanda , N.Y
Post Number: 39 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:06 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally a useful thread......
The New Recruit
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy." The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns. "Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!" "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday." "Why not Thursday?" "That's your day in the barrel." __________________
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 219 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:10 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 236 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:15 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 237 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:17 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- According to a British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offence. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
mussawel Silver Member Username: Mussawel
JAKARTA , CAIRO JAPAN
Post Number: 336 Registered: Dec-05 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:18 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I ANNOUCE TAYARAN IS NOT MY B*ITCH NO MORE!!!
ANYONE IS FREE TO CAPTURE THAN F*UCKIN STINK A*SSHOLE!!!!
PS. JUST MAKE SURE YOU CHECK WITH A DOCTOR AFTER F*CKIN HIM!!!
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 220 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:18 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stupid questions: Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?
Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 238 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:23 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat, soon, someone will piss you off
rob Silver Member Username: Alpha11
Post Number: 192 Registered: Jun-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:24 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fatbastard is so fat his cerial bowl comes with a lifeguard.
1040Steel New member Username: 1030steel
Post Number: 1 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:24 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Incase you haven't heard the one about Pascal & Newton playing hide-and-seek in heaven:
Once upon a time there were a bunch of bored scientists sitting around in heaven with nothing to do (because the laws of math and physics don't apply in heaven). They decided to play hide-n-seek and after a few rounds it was Einstein's turn to find everyone...
Einstein is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton ... Newton just stands out in the open and draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
Einstein's counting: 1,2,3......97,98,99,100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front of him...... Einstein yells " Newton 's out. Newton is out....." Newton denies and says "Newton is not out". He claims that he is not Newton and that he can mathematically prove it!
All the other scientists come out after hearing the commotion curious to see how Newton will prove that he is not himself. Newton starts explaining: "I am standing over a square of area 1 meter by 1 meter, or one meter squared..... That makes me Newton over meter squared... since a Newton over meter squared is a Pascal, Pascal is OUT!!! "
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 221 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:27 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My First Time
The sky was dark the moon was high all alone just her and I
Her hair so soft her eyes so blue I knew just what she wanted to do
Her skin so soft her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine
I didn't know how but I tried my best to place my hand on her breast
I remember my fear my fast beating heart but slowly she spread her legs apart
And when she did I felt no shame as all at once the white stuff came
At last it was finished it's all over now, my first time...milking a cow.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 239 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:30 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 240 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:35 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." said by Mariah Carey
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 241 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:38 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as mar1juana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can''t remember what they are." said by Matt Lauer on NBC''s Today Show
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 242 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:43 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - said by Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 243 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:49 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." said by Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 222 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 10:53 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 224 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:00 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some people don't like food going to waist.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 244 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:04 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 245 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:09 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
adamoszoz Bronze Member Username: Whatzzzuppp
montreal , quebec canada
Post Number: 87 Registered: Nov-05 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:09 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hi creek are't u good bud with ur jokes u really made me laugh specially the poem one was really good thanxxxxxxxxxx anywayyyyyyyyy
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 225 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:18 pm:
Post Number: 88 Registered: Nov-05 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:26 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- here is a good one there was this guy who is always dreaming of amonkeys playing soccer everyday everyday he decided to go to see a doctor if he could help he told him the whole story the doc presicribed him a nedication 2 take beforgoing 2 bed the patient says is it fine to start the medication 2morrow the doc asks why the guy becouse the final is 2nigh
adamoszoz Bronze Member Username: Whatzzzuppp
montreal , quebec canada
Post Number: 89 Registered: Nov-05 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:28 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- creek another oneeeeeeeeeeee let me know if u like mine
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 226 Registered: May-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:43 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- adamoszoz..LOL... yes, I liked it!
JJ Bronze Member Username: Jj1
Post Number: 16 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:48 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- creek,, you really got some talent! i want more.......more.......more....poems!
Carlos Ulises Bronze Member Username: Carlosb10
Post Number: 52 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Saturday, July 15, 2006 - 11:53 pm:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A girl goes to the doctor, and when the t-shirt takes off so that it examines it, the doctor sees that it has a "noticeable H". - She hears, and this "H" of which she is? - Then side, is that my boyfriend studies in Harvard, and he is so proud that its t-shirt with the "H" does not take off nor to make the love. After days, another girl is going to see this doctor, and sees that she has one "y" in the chest. Again he asks to her, and her boyfriend of this girl studies in Yale. And at the following week another girl with a mark in form arrives from "M"; thedoctor says it, smiling: - let me to guess, you have a boyfriend studying in the university of Michigan. - No, but I have a girlfriend studying in Wisconsin... because you says it?
Ali khan Bronze Member Username: Johnny0786
Post Number: 13 Registered: Jun-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:04 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils.
"Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office.
The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic.
"What is three times three?"
"Nine, Sir."
"How much is nine times six?"
"Fifty-four."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."
Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agreed.
Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"
"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
"Pockets!"
"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"
"Pants."
"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
"Coconut. !"
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge.
"Bubblegum!"
"What does a man do standing up, a woman does! sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
"Shake hands, Ma'am."
"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one. You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do."
Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!"
"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
"Nose."
"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver."
"Arrow."
"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?"
"Fire truck, Ma'am!"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 227 Registered: May-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:11 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bad Timing
Young- We have guts and time, But no means or wisdom!
Middle Aged- We have guts and means, But no time or wisdom!
Old- We have means, wisdom and time, But no guts! Well, except for LK, he's old but he has all the above including guts.
Eurick Hunt New member Username: Eurick_hunt
Post Number: 9 Registered: Jun-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:14 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You hear about the Paki who had diarrhea? ... He thought he was melting.
andrea rodruiguez Bronze Member Username: Fruitcakesucksdick
Post Number: 19 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:25 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rob,Yo mama's so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
andrea rodruiguez Bronze Member Username: Fruitcakesucksdick
Post Number: 20 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:33 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ROB,Your momma is so big when God said let there be light, he asked her to move.
creek Silver Member Username: Creek
Smithtown , New York
Post Number: 228 Registered: May-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:37 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now I lay me down to sleep I pray for a woman who will not creep One who thinks before she speaks And doesn't disappear for weeks I pray that she's gainfully employed And doesn't clam up when she's annoyed Send me a woman who'll make love to my mind And knows what to do when she lets me hit from behind One who'll make love till my body's a-twitching And brings me food, when she gets back from the kitchen. I pray that this woman will love me to no end And will not try to sleep with any of my friends I pray this prayer in Jesus' name Oh, by the way Lord, deliver me from a woman who plays childish games As I treat her, shall she treat me the same Simply someone who'll answer all her calls on the cell phone And is not trying to do me wrong Now I'll just wait For I know you will send her before it's too late
(It's too late)
andrea rodruiguez Bronze Member Username: Fruitcakesucksdick
Post Number: 21 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:42 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two rednecks, REAL KNEGRO and ROB, were sitting in a bar one night watching rasslin' on the tube. At the end of the match was an advertisement. A loud, obnoxious character came on screaming about the $10,000 dollars prize money for anyone who could defeat "The Killer".
ROB looked at REAL KNEGRO, a 6' 4" giant with the brain the size of a pea, and got an idea. He told REAL KNEGRO, "I bet you could beat that guy. He doesn't look so rough, and you're no wimp." REAL KNEGRO thought about it for a minute and agreed that he probably could.
The next weekend ROB and KNEGRO went down to the stadium where the tournament was to be held and signed KNEGRO up. An old man came up and started briefing them on the rules of the contest and such. ROB, seeing KNEGRO was a bit nervous, asked the old man for any tips. The old man looked up to KNEGRO and said, "Just you watch out for his pretzel hold. Ain't nobody ever gotten out that thing."
One by one, the contestants ahead of KNEGRO went in and came back balled up and hurting. Two hours after they arrived, KNEGRO'S turn was finally up. In the ring, right before the bell rang, KNEGRO looked back at ROB and said, "Don't worry buddy. I can avoid that pretzel thing." But not ten seconds after he had gotten up in the ring was The Killer laying on top of the contorted ball of KNEGRO and the referee was pounding the mat, counting to ten.
ROB screamed and started walking back to the locker rooms. He was pissed. He had shelled out $500 to get KNEGRO in this contest, and it didn't last 20 seconds. But right before he got to the door, the crowd went wild! ROB ran back to the ring to see KNEGRO with one foot on top of the unconscious Killer and one armed raised in the air by the referee.
ROB ran into the ring and jumped on KNEGRO. The crowd was out of control, and ROB and KNEGRO were $10,000 richer!
Later in the locker room, ROB confessed to KNEGRO he didn't see what happened. KNEGRO said, "Well, The Killer got me in his pretzel hold and I thought all was lost. I hurt like I'd never hurt before and all I could hear was the ref slamming his hand down counting to ten. Then I looked and in front of me I saw this big, hairy sack of balls. I had nothing to lose and figured it might even help. So I stretched a little further and bit down as hard as I could on those things."
"ROB," KNGRO said. "You wouldn't believe the strength a man gets when he bites his own balls."
MKM Bronze Member Username: Rekman
Longueuil , Quebec CANADA
Post Number: 29 Registered: Jun-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 12:47 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi friends..all ur jokes r Funny.... All the time when i log in ecoustics Forum... am always under stress.... coz about Bin...... But 2day its different..... am laughing while ready thoses jokes........ Wish all of you be alwsays Happy...... with n also without the Bin... .. Cheerssssss
Ikaika Nakoa Silver Member Username: Hawaiian_time
Hawaii
Post Number: 246 Registered: Apr-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 01:34 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man and his wife were relaxing one evening. The man said "honey, I've decided that if I am ever in a vegetative state, depending on a machine, and getting fluids from a container, I want you to pull the plug. With that the woman stood up, dumped his beer and pulled the plug from the tv.
If not for the latest ECM, we would be that man! lol
ATOK Bronze Member Username: Atok
Post Number: 11 Registered: Jun-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 01:44 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.
)
Cheers
Captain Hook Bronze Member Username: Concorde
Post Number: 72 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 02:04 am:
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fagkiller New member Username: Fagkiller
michigan U.S.A
Post Number: 3 Registered: Jul-06 Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 04:31 am:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN mussawel AND A BUCKET OF SHI*T???
