Just funny stuff
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Gold Member Username: Chaunb3400Huntsville, Alabama U.S. Post Number: 2975 Registered: Jul-05 | http://cgi.ebay.com/Xbox-360-ships-Premium-with-rare-T-SHIRT-xbox360-core_W0QQit emZ8362094533QQcategoryZ28022QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem http://cgi.ebay.com/Poor-Mans-Microsoft-Xbox-360-SOLID-Gold-FacePlate-999_W0QQit emZ8240583453QQcategoryZ62054QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem http://cgi.ebay.com/Microsoft-Xbox-360-Premium-Bundle-Free-Shipping_W0QQitemZ824 0977432QQcategoryZ62054QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem http://cgi.ebay.com/Opened-xbox-360-with-memory-card_W0QQitemZ8240803241QQcatego ryZ62054QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem |
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Gold Member Username: Chaunb3400Huntsville, Alabama U.S. Post Number: 2976 Registered: Jul-05 | This is the best one, he tells them not to bid http://cgi.ebay.com/PlayStation-3-GIVEAWAY-PS3_W0QQitemZ8241718223QQcategoryZ620 54QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem |
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Silver Member Username: Graphix1Santa Rosa Heights, Arima Trinidad & T... Post Number: 227 Registered: Oct-05 | Boy can people waste time,but then again i bet they gave quite a few people a LMFAO. |
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Silver Member Username: Islandboy808Mililani, Hawaii US Post Number: 216 Registered: Nov-05 | omg lmao.people are just so dumb nowadays. |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 3676 Registered: Jul-05 | doesn't ebay screen the stuff they allow ppl 2 post !? ...... then again ppl have on ebay bread with a jesus burnt impression on it & ppl actually seriously bid on it...... |
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Silver Member Username: Young_jamesCanada Post Number: 428 Registered: Sep-05 | idiots |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 3680 Registered: Jul-05 | Subject: FW: Dear Tech Support: Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attemping to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks A Troubled User. (KEEP READING) REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is and OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Chid Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING! ! ! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system............ |
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Gold Member Username: 54danny54Post Number: 1136 Registered: Nov-04 | ha ha ha Rovin...where did u find that |
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Silver Member Username: Young_jamesCanada Post Number: 435 Registered: Sep-05 | hahaha.......man that's a realy good one! |
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Gold Member Username: Kd7nfrMontpelier, ID United States Post Number: 1261 Registered: Apr-05 | ROFL! |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 3735 Registered: Jul-05 | Hey don't flame me if i add more - cause the thread title says "Just funny stuff " ..lol hope Admin doesn't discipline me 4 doing this ========================================== A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggest that they do "69" . "What the hell is that?" Asked the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain "I put my head in between your legs, and you put your head in between mine. Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get into the position, she lets out a Rip-roaring F@rt! "What's that for?", he asks! "Oops.. sorry, let's try it again", she says. So, they get into the position again, and once more she let's a big stink one loose! The guy gets up and starts getting dressed. "Wait, where are you going?", she asks. The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!" .....  |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 141 Registered: Nov-05 | HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...You need to pray at work. When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?".....You need to pray at work. When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work. When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him......You need to pray at work. When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk......... You need to pray at work. When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!".... You need to pray at work. When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say "that lazy b*&%$#"...... You need to pray at work. When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a##M#$^%F%&#s"....... You need to pray at work. If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with......You need to pray at work. If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story.....You need to pray at work. If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray at work! |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 3753 Registered: Jul-05 | Good 1 Thomas here's another - its wordy but worth it ... ============================================== Married 10 times A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle;I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be ifyou've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be." "Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me." "Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up." "Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver." "Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state-of-the-art method. " "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not." "Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it." "Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it." "Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look." "Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was..... Wow do I miss him!" (lol) "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "You're with the Government." "This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCREWED!" |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 3831 Registered: Jul-05 | short but oh so damn funny >>>>>>>>>>> A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "what were u and daddy doing?" the mom replies " well you see son, your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to flatten it." "you're wasting your time" the son says. "why is that?" asked the mom puzzled. " well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knee's and blows it right back up."................  |
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Silver Member Username: ShawnomakHB, SK Canada Post Number: 170 Registered: May-05 | heres on that'll make ya go.. "ewww *shiver*" a guy is walking along a nature trail and sees a woman on a cliff about to jump, the man asks "what are you doing" the woman explains to him that she was going to kill herself. The man says "well since you're going to kill yourself anyway, how about you give me some head before you go through with it?" the woman says "well, i might as well, my whole life up to this point has been useless." so they go through with it and the guy pulls his pants up and asks "so why are you gonna kill urself anyway?" the woman sais "my family disowned me for dressing like a woman." |
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Silver Member Username: RhasslerGilford, NH Post Number: 470 Registered: Dec-04 | hahahahaha ^^shawn thats a good one lol |
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Gold Member Username: Jonathan_fGA USA Post Number: 5137 Registered: May-04 | Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God." The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down. |
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Gold Member Username: Chaunb3400Huntsville, Alabama U.S. Post Number: 3286 Registered: Jul-05 | nice^^^ |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 159 Registered: Nov-05 | If you are like me, we are always looking for that special cookie recipe to share with our families for the holidays. This is the one I personally make on Christmas Eve to be able to deal with the "family" on this joyous occasion. TEQUILA COOKIES 1 cup of dark brown sugar 1 cup (2 sticks) butter 1 cup of granulated sugar 4 large eggs 2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 1 tsp fresh lemon juice 1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila(silver or gold, as desired) Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup .... just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or som efink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, FINISH the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher. **** CHERRY MISTMAS **** |
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Silver Member Username: MadeupnamePost Number: 128 Registered: Sep-05 | www.beef-curtains.org |
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Silver Member Username: Opie_harSomewhere, One of them USA Post Number: 109 Registered: Oct-04 | An elderly man finds he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies, "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for another year." The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123." Suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie he has ever had, just as the medicine man had promised. His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?" |
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Silver Member Username: Opie_harSomewhere, One of them USA Post Number: 110 Registered: Oct-04 | There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving b@stards at the Post Office. |
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Silver Member Username: Opie_harSomewhere, One of them USA Post Number: 111 Registered: Oct-04 |  |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 3928 Registered: Jul-05 | Drunk in the Cemetary Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. A they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to p/ee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to wipe herself with, so she took off her p/anties and used them to wipe herself and discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my p/anties!" so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself. The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her p/anties." The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her @ss that read, 'We will never forget you.'"............ |
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Silver Member Username: Graphix1Santa Rosa Heights, Arima Trinidad & T... Post Number: 292 Registered: Oct-05 | ROFFLMMFAO....Thomas......that was seriously funny |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 160 Registered: Nov-05 | Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Mom and Dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says, "No." Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?" He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline, and I think I gave him my airplane glue." |
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Silver Member Username: Islandboy808Mililani, Hawaii US Post Number: 281 Registered: Nov-05 | http://www.filecabi.net/video/sockburn.html funny as hell |
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Gold Member Username: Chaunb3400Huntsville, Alabama U.S. Post Number: 3353 Registered: Jul-05 | my friends would get me back so goooood i wouldnt do that. but it was funny.lol |
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Silver Member Username: Islandboy808Mililani, Hawaii US Post Number: 282 Registered: Nov-05 | or this one http://www.filecabi.net/video/hiddencam.html make sure u watch it all the way. |
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Silver Member Username: Islandboy808Mililani, Hawaii US Post Number: 283 Registered: Nov-05 | this one is messed up http://www.filecabi.net/video/radiotrick.html and this one owns it all http://www.filecabi.net/video/rat-monster.html |
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Silver Member Username: GreeneyGrove, MN US Post Number: 104 Registered: Dec-05 | http://media.putfile.com/FPS-doug ( intense gamer haha) http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=WnpGtHq7Z0U (banned xbox 360 commercial) http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2671154?htv=12&htv=12&htv=12 (youve all seen it but its always worth another look) |
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Silver Member Username: GreeneyGrove, MN US Post Number: 120 Registered: Dec-05 | 10 WAYS TO FVCK UP YOUR KIDS: 10. Pretend to die, see what they do. 9. Make them watch p0rnos all day. 8. Kill all the family pets and say that God did it because they wouldn't do the dishes. This should foster a nice atheistic household. 7. When you bathe them, point and laugh at their genitalia. 6. Tell them you love them every day. When they say, "I love you too," laugh and say, "I was just kidding!" 5. Tape them to the ceiling. 4. For the first five years of their life (until they start Kindergarten) replace all the lights in the house with strobe lights. See what happens. (My guess: They'll learn to blink in synch with the strobe. That's what happened when I tried this experiment with kittens.) 3. Whenever they say a certain word, (let's pick "hungry") do a little dance, jump up and down three times, clap, touch your toes, then lay down and pretend to go to sleep. 2. Teach them right and left backwards. This will be sure to fvck them up for years to come. 1. Do whatever your parents did to you. You're pretty fvcked up. |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 3999 Registered: Jul-05 | Subject: Sharing! > >> >> He ordered one hamburger, one order of french fries, and one drink. >> The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. >> He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out >> the >> french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in >> front of his wife. >> >> He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup >> down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the >> people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they >> were looking at the two of them." >> >> As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He >> politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said >> they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything. >> The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a >> bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking >> turns sipping the drink. >> >> Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another >> meal for them.. This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used >> to sharing everything." >> >> As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the >> napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet >> to eat a single bite of food and asked "I thought you said you shared >> everything >> why arent you eating What are you are waiting for?" >> She answered.... >> >> >> >> "THE TEETH." |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4020 Registered: Jul-05 | ----- Subject: A Robery Tale: A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" " Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and p/ee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up".... |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4040 Registered: Jul-05 | A woman walks into a pet store to buy dog food. She gets her dog food, goes to the counter and sees a box on the counter with a sign that reads, "P/ussy-eating Frogs, $5". She looks both ways, realizes that no one is watching her and asks the clerk, "Is that for real?" He says, "Yep, and they're guaranteed." She says, "Ok, box one up for me." She takes the frog home and can't wait to try him out. She opens the box and finds a sheet of directions. The directions read, "1) take a shower 2) put on a nice teddy and some perfume 3) get in bed, open your legs and place the frog THERE." So, she follows the directions. She takes a shower, puts on a nice teddy and perfume, goes to the bed, opens her legs and places the frog THERE. Nothing happens. So, she thinks, maybe the frog didn't like the perfume. She decided to start over; took another shower, put on a teddy, some different perfume, went to the bed, opened the legs, put the frog there, and...nothing. Well, this just won't do, she thinks. She goes back to the directions and reads them over again thinking she might have missed something. She notices at the bottom a line in small print that reads, "If you have any problems with the frog, please call your pet store." She calls the pet store and told the man the trouble she was having. He tells her, "I'll be right over." The man arrives at the woman's home and asks her to repeat the process; perhaps he can point out the problem. So, again she showers, puts on a teddy, some perfume and gets in the bed. She opens her legs and puts the frog THERE. Nothing happens. The man says, "I see the problem." He picks up the frog and says to it, "Now, I'm only gonna show you how to do this ONE MORE TIME." |
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Silver Member Username: DankmanSouth Bend, Indiana United States Post Number: 236 Registered: Jan-05 | Very funny stuff guys, im at work and all these jokes got me laughing, thanks |
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Silver Member Username: GreeneyGrove, MN US Post Number: 146 Registered: Dec-05 | http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2532856 THIS WOULD SUCK BIG TIME^^^ |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 179 Registered: Nov-05 | BATHROOMS >>A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, tooth paste, shaving >>cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. >>The average number of items in the typical woman's >>bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. >> >>ARGUMENTS >>A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a >>man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. >> >>CATS >>Women love cats. >>Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. >> >>FUTURE >>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. >>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. >> >>SUCCESS >>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. >>A successful woman is one who can find such a man. >> >>MARRIAGE >>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. >>A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. >> >>DRESSING UP >>A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, >>answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. >>A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. >> >>NATURAL >>Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. >>Women somehow deteriorate during the night. >> >>OFFSPRING >>Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about >>dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and >>secret fears and hopes and dreams. >> >>A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. >> >>AND FINALLY... >>Man has an innate ability to forget his mistakes, which is good since >>there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. |
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Silver Member Username: Islandboy808Mililani, Hawaii US Post Number: 318 Registered: Nov-05 | a very funny thread |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4064 Registered: Jul-05 | THIS 1 IS SOLID GOLD !!! ================================================== its very wordy but worth it A man walks into a bar and sees an overweight, disgustingly ugly man with an amazingly beautiful woman. Man walks up to the bartender and says "Wow, how did that guy pull that chick?"... Bartender replies "Beats the hell out of me but he's here with her every morning.... why don't you ask him?" So the man gets up the nerve to approach the fat man and says "Excuse me but... I have to ask.... how in the world did you get such a sexy woman?" The fat man replies "Well she's a prostitute." The man is stunned. "Well how did you meet her?" The fat man replies... "Well she's here every morning at 9am sharp... be here and you'll get your chance."... So the next day the man comes in and sees the woman at the bar, sitting. He sits down beside her and says "I'm sorry but I have to ask.... are you a hooker?" The woman replies "Its ok and yes... I am." "Wow.... how much for a handjob then?" The woman replies "$800." "$800??!! Good God lady, don't you think thats a bit too much, sh!t!" The woman says "Come to the window I want to show you something" She takes him to the window and points to a red Ferrari outside. "You see that Ferrari?" "Yeah... what about it?" "I paid for it by giving handjobs." "WOW!!! That must be one hell of a handjob." So he pays her the money and gets the best hangjob ever.... his legs shake and lips quiver. Next day the man comes back and askes "How much for a blowjob?" "$900" "Holy sh!t, thats alot of money" "Let me show you something" she says. She takes him back to the window and points to 2 skyscrapers in the city. "You see those skyscrapers?" "Yeah.." "I paid for those giving blowjobs." "WOW!!! Thats one helluva blowjob!!!" So he pays her the money and gets the best blowjob he has ever had..... his eyes roll back in his head and his feet tremble. The next day the man gets up and empties out his entire bank acct. He goes to the bar, sees the woman and says "I've got the best handjob and blowjob I have ever had in my life and it was from you.... I've GOT to know how good that p\ussy is.... how much? Name your price. I'll pay anything!!!!" The woman says "Come here, let me show you something" She takes him back to the window and points to an island resort with hotels and communities. "You see that island over... with the lavish hotels and prominent communities?" He said "Yeah." She says "If I had a p\ussy I could buy that too." |
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Bronze Member Username: Redbone15367Mo U.S.A. Post Number: 51 Registered: Sep-05 | bump |
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Silver Member Username: GreeneyGrove, MN US Post Number: 186 Registered: Dec-05 | THIS IS THE TRUTH AND IM NOT EVEN MARRIED!! HAHAHA **********KINDA LONG BUT WELL WORTH IT************ ****How To Shower Like a Woman**** -Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. -Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. -Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. -Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. -Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. -Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. -Condition your hair withgrapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. -Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. -Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. -Rinse conditioner off hair. -Shave armpits and legs. -Turn off shower. -Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. -Spray mold spots with Tilex. -Get out of shower. -Dry with towel the size of a small country. -Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. -Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. *****How To Shower Like a Man**** -Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. -Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. -Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your @ss. -Get in the shower. -Wash your face. -Wash your armpits. -Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. -F@rt and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. -Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. -Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. -Wash your hair. -Make a Shampoo Mohawk. -Pe3. -Rinse off and get out of shower. -Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. -Admire wiener size in mirror again. -Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. -Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. -Throw wet towel on bed. If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something wrong with you. |
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Silver Member Username: GreeneyGrove, MN US Post Number: 187 Registered: Dec-05 | i used to work at a grocery store as a cashier an i eventually got a job closer to my house but at the time i worked in a city where there were a lot of somalians moving in. not a problem; really nice people but one day i was ringing this guy up and he used his Visa and i needed to see some ID so he gave it to me i take a look at his name; read it through once and then took a very close look, his name was "anile chodihari" or as i saw it "AN@L CHODE HAIRY" hahahahahaha probably one of the funniest things i have ever seen. i swear to god that this was the mans name, no lie! |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4096 Registered: Jul-05 | A dad went to a shrink and the Dr. ask "what seems to be the problem?" " My son cusses in every sentences what should I do?" Ask him what he wants for X-mas and if he tells you without cussing give him that present, but if he cusses while telling you give him dog sh!t. So he goes home and says son what do you want for X-mas? I want a god damn X-box 360 at the foot of my bed, a Ipod nano with all the sh!t, and a f/ucking dirt bike. He wake up the next morning and at the foot of his bed was dog sh!t, opened a box that was about the size like a Ipod would come in but it was dog sh!t, he ran outside and saw dirt bike shadow but it was dog sh!t covering his old bike. The dad came out and said "son what did Santa bring you?" Son said "I think he brought me a god damn dog but I can't find the f/ucking little b/astard !"...... |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4140 Registered: Jul-05 | There was a blonde a brunette and a red head and they were walking over a bridge .They had heard rumors that when you jumped off and made a wish it would come true so the red head jumps and says money and when she lands she lands in a pile of 100 dollar bills then the brunette jumps and says gold and she land in a pile of gold coins so when the blonde takes a running start , she jumps but tripped just b4 she goes over & said "OH SH!T!!!!!......... |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4178 Registered: Jul-05 | 3 doctors go on a safari with an African witch doctor. After a few hours driving they decide to get out of their jeep and walk around for a bit. Suddenly from out of the bushes comes a charging elephant that runs over the three doctors greasing them into the ground. The witch doctor does not have time to react in time, but is able to shoot the elephant with the tranqulation gun. After examining the damage done to his three guest doctors he decides to go to work on them. One doctori½s brain was half smashed and the witchdoctor replaces the brain with the elephant's brain. The second doctor got his intestines and stomach ripped open so the good witchdoctor swaps the elephant stomach with the ripped one in the doctor. The Third doctor was out cold with a face locked in pure horror. The witchdoctor find that the now dead elephants foot is placed directly on top of the third doctors private parts. The witch doctor gets a little bit distressed as the elephant is a she and got no other parts then the noose that he can use to replace the third doctors injuries. Seeing as he has no choice in the matter he goes to work. After having all the doctors patched up and on a health recovery they all fly back to their homes. 2 years later the doctors meet in a summit where a new drug is being tested. The three doctors meet up and quickly catches up on what they been doing the last two years. Then the first doctor ask them all how they all are after the surgery they received in Africa. I can't seem to get lost anymore I always know my way around for some reason the first doctor says. The second doctor rubs his belly and says I'm always hungry. I can eat and eat and I have to go into the garden to take s/hit. Oh that is not so good the first doctor replies, but how about you then he says and turns towards the third doctor. The third doctor looks around on all the tables and then back to his 2 other colleagues and tells them. I'm tip top never been better and my wife is finally smiling again.......but there is this one problem you see...... I have to be very careful if there are peanuts on any tables. ....... |
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Silver Member Username: GreeneyGrove, MN US Post Number: 217 Registered: Dec-05 | not funny but fu(king rediculous (wow) http://r.espn.go.com/espn/contests/05GameChangingPerformance/phase2/index?source =pontiac_ncaa_redirect 2005 college football catch of the yr- ALABAMA vs SOUTHERN MISS |
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Silver Member Username: Islandboy808Mililani, Hawaii US Post Number: 345 Registered: Nov-05 | HaHa Rovin got all the jokes. |
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Gold Member Username: Chaunb3400Huntsville, Alabama U.S. Post Number: 3610 Registered: Jul-05 | ^^The vince young pump fake, was better. If he didnt make that play they would have lost |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4216 Registered: Jul-05 | The Pope, A Biker and a Wh/ore all went fishing together, and they were all having a good time, then all of a sudden the Biker goes damn I have to piss. The other two didn't want to lose the time needed to row back to shore and let the biker do the deed. So instead the Biker just gets out of the boat and starts to walk ontop of the water, and up the hill to the outhouse. Pisses and walks down the hill across the water and back to his spot in the boat. About an hr pass and the Wh/ore goes I need to piss now, so she proceeds like the biker did and gets up walks across the water and up the hill, pisses. Comes back down the hill back across the water and returns to fishing. It is starting to get late now and all of a sudden the Pope goes, 'I need to use the restroom'. So he gets up and climbs out of the boat and sinks like a rock to the bottom due to his heavy robes. The Biker turns to the Wh/ore and says, "Guess we should of showed him where the rocks were !" |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4269 Registered: Jul-05 | An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly tits !." |
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Silver Member Username: RedlinerWilmington, Ma Post Number: 320 Registered: Jun-05 | lol thats a good one rovin |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4290 Registered: Jul-05 | A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again." |
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Gold Member Username: Sploosh56Ohio Post Number: 1032 Registered: May-04 | "Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding maryjuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They searchthe shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, butfind no maryjuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!" |
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Gold Member Username: Sploosh56Ohio Post Number: 1033 Registered: May-04 | here were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question. To he first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alchol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alchol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door. To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door. The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years". 100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess. The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM G@Y! IM G@Y!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; "hey man, got a light?" |
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Gold Member Username: Sploosh56Ohio Post Number: 1034 Registered: May-04 | A woman keeps asking her husband if her b00bs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks. The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!'' ''How!?!?!?'' she asks. ''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your b00bs.'' ''Well how long does it take?'' she asks. ''They should expand over the years,'' he answers. ''How did you know that?'' she wonders. ''I dunno, but it sure worked for your @ss, didn't it?''' |
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Gold Member Username: Sploosh56Ohio Post Number: 1035 Registered: May-04 | Why does God give women yeast infections? So they know what it is like to live with an irritating cvnt |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4295 Registered: Jul-05 | liked the 2nd joke .... |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4335 Registered: Jul-05 | OMG - this 1 is a RIOT ... major LOL Theres a grandpa and a grand son , and they are both fishing and the grandpa takes out a cigar and starts smoking it . The grandson ask if he can have a hit , the grandpa replies '' can the tip of your dick touch your @sshole'' and the grand son says no, then the grandpa says no you can't ... The next day the grandpa and grandson go to the liquir store to buy 10 scratch tickets the grandpa gives the grandson 5 of them and he keeps the other 5 . The grandpa scratches his tickets and he doesn't win anything ... then he asks his grandson if he won any , and the grandson says ya i won $10,000!! and the grandpa says you know you have to split half with me ... and the grandson say '' can the tip of your dick touch your @sshole'' and the grandpa says proudly "YES !" .... then the grandson said '' then go F0CK yourself !!!''...... |
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Bronze Member Username: Efil4zagginChi Town, IL Cook Post Number: 33 Registered: Dec-05 | thats a good one |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4379 Registered: Jul-05 | well that stuff with dan was quite enough laughter 4 2day but still i must post a joke on the 1st day of the year -lol........ =================================== it is a very nasty cloudy day out and at this big factory, one of the workers comes into the building for his shift and his friends notice he is wearing sun glasses and ask him why in the hell are you wearin sun glasses there isnt one spot in the sky not blocked by the sun? the guy says i dont wanna tell ya just dont worry about it. no come on come on tell us said one of the friends. ok he took them off and there were two black eyes. the friend says s/hit i can understand one black eye but two? you gotta tell me how you got them. alright alright says the man, i was in church and we stood up to sing a song and the lady in front of me had a weggie (her dress was stuck up her a/ss) so i pulled it out and she socked me a good one. well how did you get the other one? well......i stuck it back in!!............ |
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New member Username: Greeney88Http://www.freewebs.co..., Minnesota US Post Number: 6 Registered: Jan-06 | was at my friends yesterday and we were sleeping over and we needed to fit 3 cars in his yard cause his family had the driveway full and there were like 3-5 foot snowbanks and so my one friend had some old chevy and nailed the snowbank and he went into his neighbors yard and his tire was 3-5 inches deep into the ground haha and the tire underneath was just buried , so we called for a tow truck at 3am, and then this cop drives by and was like what happend here and how old were we and did we have anything to drink and we said no, then the tow truck went to the wrong house and so it was an an hour and 30 minutes til he got there and when everything was hooked up he tryed to pull it out and the tow was actually moving backwards hahaha but we finally got it out and he got out of the tow and the guy said... "what the fvck where u guys doing?" haha what a way to kickoff the new year getting stuck in snow is a b1tch, those who live where it snows know what i mean! |
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Bronze Member Username: PelonaPost Number: 35 Registered: Dec-05 | yesterday i was at a newyears party and me and my cousin decided to go to one of his homey's house.so around 11:00pm we were going to one of his homie's house.we were driving through like a mountain with a lot of trees or something through a really lonely and curvy road. so we were bumping and driving fast then there was a downhill S turn and my cousin braked but the tires locked so we skidded off the road because it was still wet from the rain.he got his honda stuck almost sideways in the mud on the side of the mountain. if it werent for the mud we could of fallen off the mountain and probably died! so we got out and climbed up to the road and some white guys stopped by in an Integra and they said "you guys were driving to fast huh?laughing" and another said "mucha cerveza?". we told them we only had one corona.so then they took off hauling azz down the road and they didnt see a stop.so they tried to stop but the road was too wet and they spinned out.they were just laughing and left.then we called my cousin's homie and he picked us up.he was all fvcken drunk!so he was taking us to a tow truck guy's house. but becaus he was so drunk, instead of pulling up in the driveway he turned too early and went over the cement sidewalk and tore the fvck out of his RF tire!and it turned out that the guy wasnt even home. now thats a way to start the new year! |
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Gold Member Username: Jonathan_fGA USA Post Number: 5283 Registered: May-04 | Interpreting Personal Ads FIRST THE WOMEN 40-ish: 48 Adventurer: Has had more partners than you ever will Athletic: Flat-chested Average looking: Ugly Beautiful: Pathological liar Contagious Smile: Bring your penicillin Educated: College dropout Emotionally Secure: Medicated Feminist: Fat; ball buster Free spirit: Substance user Friendship first: Trying to live down reputation as slvt Fun: Annoying Gentle: Comatose Good Listener: Borderline Autistic New-Age: All body hair, all the time Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position only Open-minded: Desperate Outgoing: Loud Passionate: Loud Poet: Depressive Schzophrenic Professional: Real Witch Redhead: Shops the Clairol section Reubenesque: Grossly Fat Romantic: Looks better by candle light Voluptuous: Very Fat Weight proportional to height: Hugely Fat Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking Widow: Nagged first husband to death Young at heart: Toothless crone Seeks financially-solvent male: Gold digger THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST 40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Average looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back Educated: Will always treat you like an idiot Free Spirit: Sleeps with your sister Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nvdity Fun: Good with a remote and a six pack Good looking: Arrogant Honest: Pathological Liar Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than a bear Like to cuddle: Insecure, overly dependent Mature: Until you get to know him Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested Physically fit: I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself Poet: Has written on a bathroom stall Spiritual: Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday Stable: Occasional stalker, but never arrested Thoughtful: Says "Please" when demanding a beer Independently wealthy: Inherited money from Mommy & Daddy Seeks long-term Relationship: Drop dead after we sleep together Likes to talk: Machiavellian, see "honest" Iconoclast, Independent: Homeless Bored: Suicidal Geek: Washed jeans last month Financially secure: Seeking father/daughter relationship 8" C0ck: 4.5" |
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Bronze Member Username: PelonaPost Number: 37 Registered: Dec-05 | LMAO "8" C0ck:4.5" |
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Gold Member Username: Jonathan_fGA USA Post Number: 5284 Registered: May-04 | Ancient Chinese Torture: A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left te$ticle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right te$ticle tied to bedpost." |
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Gold Member Username: Chaunb3400Huntsville, Alabama U.S. Post Number: 3737 Registered: Jul-05 | LOL^^^^ |
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Gold Member Username: Jonathan_fGA USA Post Number: 5285 Registered: May-04 | A man goes into the doctors office one day and says to the doctor, "Hey doc, I think there might be something wrong with me. My d1cks orange" The doctor thinks about it for a sec and asks some questions. "Well, have you been on any new diets lately?" The man says no. "Well, is it possibly genetics?" Still the man shakes his head no. "Well, I'm going to take a blood test and a urine test, and I'll get back to you in a few days or so." A couple days later the man returns to the doctor and he says that there's nothing wrong. So the doc asks "Well, does it have anything to do with your spouse, or can it possibly be work related?" The mans shakes his head, "No, right now I'm single and I lost my job a month ago, so I've just been sitting around reading Playb0y and eating Cheetos." |
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Gold Member Username: Jonathan_fGA USA Post Number: 5286 Registered: May-04 | A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard." |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4412 Registered: Jul-05 | A1 jokes Jonathan A1 ! ======================================== A young couple decided that a painless way for them to be able to save money would be for the husband to put all his change into the bedside china piggy bank each time they had sex. One night, while things were hot and heavy, the husband accidentally knocked the bank onto the floor where it smashed into pieces. Much to his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were also numerous five and ten dollar bills. "What's up with all these bills?" he asked his wife. she replied "well not everyone is cheap as you are!"..... |
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Anonymous | NICE STUFF -lol |
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Bronze Member Username: 420pimpPost Number: 71 Registered: Dec-05 | Ok One day this girl wants to use the family car to go to the dance. So she finds her dad and asks him if she can use the family car to go to the prom tonight. He sais, you have to suck my di.ck first. She sais your my dad thats sick i cant do that. He sais ,do you want the car or not. She Sais no thats inc.est and sick i cant do it. THE DAD SAIS WHATEVER THEN YOU CANT USE THE CAR. So she agries to it and starts giving her dad head. She sais dad your di.ck smells like sh.it. The dad sais your brother borrowed the car before you. |
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Bronze Member Username: MrmikelazottIndependence, Oregon Post Number: 62 Registered: Dec-05 | ^^ thats pretty sick chubs |
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Bronze Member Username: 420pimpPost Number: 72 Registered: Dec-05 | lmfao |
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Bronze Member Username: Efil4zagginChi Town, IL Cook Post Number: 36 Registered: Dec-05 | Ha ha ha real funny shyt on this thread, I like that Chinese shyt |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4416 Registered: Jul-05 | P!MP - man thats the most disgusting joke i ever heard ! u are 1 sicko 2 be posting that here man !......  |
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Bronze Member Username: PelonaPost Number: 41 Registered: Dec-05 | look at these old guys fight http://filecabi.net/v.php?file=old-fight.wmv&width=800&height=600 |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4443 Registered: Jul-05 | A man in his eighties reads that hearing loss is rapid at his age so he decides to give his wife,the same age, a test.She is in the kitchen with her back to him so he asks quietly "What's for lunch darling?" He gets no response. A little worried,he takes two steps nearer."What's for lunch darling?" Again she keeps her back to him and does'nt respond.Now he is really worried so he goes right up behind her and asks again"What's for lunch darling?" At this she suddenly whirls round and yells "For the third time you deaf b/astard we're having pork chops!!!!!"........ |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4445 Registered: Jul-05 | silly kiddy joke >>>>>>>>>> there where three boys in a classrom: p/ee willy and zip. zip was on the table, willy in the cupboard and p/ee in the middle of the room. the teacher came in and said zip down, willy out, p/ee in the corner ....... |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4488 Registered: Jul-05 | A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot! Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," says the doctor. The new mother thinks, Wow, that's not a bad name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise! Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew." |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 193 Registered: Nov-05 | A Zibra dies and goes to heven when he gets there he ask saint peter "Am i a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" saint peter said he would have to ask god. When the zebra ask god he replies "You are who you are." On his way out the saint peter ask if god answered his question the zebra replies i think so but not sure Saint peter ask what did he tell you the zebra replies "you are who you are" Thats the means your a white zebra with black stripes. If you were a black zebra with white stripes he would of said "You is who you is" |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4575 Registered: Jul-05 | In a hospital room, there was a man resting on the bed with an oxygen mask on. When the nurse came in the room to open the blinds, the man asked her, "Are my t/esticles black?" To which she replied, "I do not know... I am only here to open the blinds." The man asked her again, "Are my t/esticles black?" And he kept asking until he got on her nerves so much, that she finally unzipped his hospital gown, looked down there, checked under them, and said, "They are fine." With a confused look on his face, he took of his mask, and shouted, "I SAID, ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK????" |
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Gold Member Username: CenusHicksville, Ohio Usa Post Number: 1035 Registered: Jan-05 | LOL there are some pretty good jokes, idk if some1 said this one or not. a son finally convinces his dad to go a nursing home, but the dad is very reluctent so the son says try it out for 2 weeks and if you don;t like it you can leave, so the son leaves and comes back the following friday to ask his dad if he wants to stay, the dad says he wants to stay and is very happy the son says what changed your mind his dad says well a couple days ago i had a b0hner and a nurse came in and gave me a bl0w job, well the son seeing that his dad like it there so much left him there, the following friday the son returns, and his dad is screaming get me out of, and wants to leave, the son asks i thought you liked it here, and the dad says well the other day i fell down and couldn't get up, then some male nurse raped me in the azz, well the son says you have to take the good with the bad, and the dad responds you don't understand i get a b0hner once a year, i fall down every day. |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4601 Registered: Jul-05 | GR8 ! ^^^ An out of work pianist with Tourette's syndrome is strolling around the Streets and bars of Soho one afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window "Pianist wanted for evening performances'" "F*cking get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. "Get the f*cking manager of this pigs' sh*t middle class w*nkhole please, you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you? sir?' he says. 'Yes you can, you fat piece of sh*t", says the pianist, "I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting window and I'm here to audition......w*nker.' The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me Prime Minister, but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*nt's blind...' 'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another, something a little less "lively".' 'F*cking w*nker.' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t box you get cr*p on your bell end.' 'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice f*cking jugs". 'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.' 'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not'. On his first night everything is going superbly, the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard-on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c*ck is hanging out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?' 'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,'I f*cking wrote that sh*t !!! |
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Gold Member Username: Kd7nfrMontpelier, ID United States Post Number: 1365 Registered: Apr-05 | Man... I don't have time to read all of this... |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4612 Registered: Jul-05 | A Jamaican fireman came home from work, one day and said to his wife "Y'know sumptin womon, we have de wonderful new system at de fire stayshon....." Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings -we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go. "From now on womon, when I say, 'Bell one' I want you to strip naked. When I say, 'Bell two' you jump on de bed. When I say, 'Bell tree' we's gonna mek love all tru de night girl." The next night, he came home and shouted, "Bell One" and the wife stripped naked! "Bell Two" and she jumped on the bed! "Bell Tree" and they started to make love! After a few minutes, the wife yelled out, "Bell Four!!!!" "WOMON ... What de hell is 'Bell Four'?" he asked. She replied, "Roll out more hose, mon, you ain't nowhere near de fire!"............. |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4654 Registered: Jul-05 | Dave, an engineer, was walking on a sidewalk one afternoon when his buddy Harry, also an engineer, pulls alongside him, riding a brand-new Harley-Davidson motorcycle. "Wow," said Dave, "where'd you get that?" Harry said, "You'll never believe this. I was walking home last night when this woman rides up to me on this Harley. She stops, gets off the bike, removes her blouse, skirt, bra, shoes, and p/anties, and says, 'You can have anything you want.'" And Dave said, "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." |
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Silver Member Username: 420pimp2Post Number: 134 Registered: Jan-06 | so i'm a real sicko rovin. LoL. Be real, hippie. You hear about sh.it worse than that on the news everyday. |
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Silver Member Username: LexuscoopPost Number: 581 Registered: Dec-05 | 3 men are walking down the beach. a black man mexican and a white man. the white man picks up a can and rubs the sand off it and a geney comes out and says i will grant you 3 wishes since there are 3 of you here i will give you all 1 wish the black man wishes that he and all of his black brothers were back in africa and happy POOF they were back in aferica the mexican wishes that he and all of his mexican vatos were back in mexica and happy POOF they were back in mexico the white man looks around and sees that all the black people on the beach are gone and all the mexicans are gone as well so he looks at the geney and smiles and wishes Geney since all the blacks and all the mexicans are gone... i'll wish for a soda |
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Bronze Member Username: PelonaPost Number: 73 Registered: Dec-05 | i wish for all you redneck, red azz, red d!ck, racist, natzi, white motherfckers to go back to Europe. crap. it didnt work. |
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Silver Member Username: LexuscoopPost Number: 584 Registered: Dec-05 | um sorry to tell you. whites aren't the only people that are racist. so yea |
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Silver Member Username: Kojak28Augusta, GA USA Post Number: 180 Registered: Feb-05 | LMAO These are good guys. ================================================================================ ================== BAD JOKE: 2 fagatts are going at it in the shower when the phone rings. fagatt#1 says"Now don't come till I get back". Fagatt#2 agrees. Fagatt#1 re-enters the shower and there the stuff is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Fagatt#1 is pissed and says "Damnit, I thought I told you not till I get back!" Fagatt#2 states defensively:"But Baby I didn't- I f/arted!" SICK ================================================= |
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Silver Member Username: Redbone15367Mo U.S.A. Post Number: 134 Registered: Sep-05 | This teenaged girl has the talk with her mom. Mom say's if a boy try's to take advantage of you just ask him what he's going to name the baby? Well that weekend she goes out and ends up in a motel room with a colledge boy. They start going at it when she ask's what are you going to name the baby? He jump's up put's his clothes back on and runs out the door. Thinking this is so goes out the next night, and ends up at the motel again. Wheb the guy is about done she ask's what are you going to name the baby? Boy jump's up put's his clothes back on and runs out the door. Well during the week the word got around and the following weekend the girl goe's out again, and ends up at the motel again. this time the boy leave's the light of. When he's about done she ask's him what are you going to name the baby? Well he didn't stop so she asked him again what are you going to name the baby?He keeps going and one last time she ask's him WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO NAME THE BABY? And finaly he finishes rolls over turns the light on,pulls the con'dum off, tie's it in a knot and hands it to her and say's Huedini if he can get out of there. |
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Silver Member Username: ScubasteveCollege Park, MD Post Number: 857 Registered: May-05 | http://www.funmansion.com/html/Stereo-Turn-On.html this is actually car audio related. |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 195 Registered: Nov-05 | Gotta love little boys.... To all my friends who have sons.....and those who don't.....it seems that two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight", the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him. He's my little brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one. ***live well.... laugh often.... love much*** |
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Silver Member Username: Kojak28Augusta, GA USA Post Number: 184 Registered: Feb-05 | One certain gentleman was on his way to visit his parents in a not-so-distant town. He was driving along when POOF- the radiator blew all the water out and the engine seized. The man grabbed his duffle bag & started walking toward town. He reached for his cell phone, but had no signal. In the distance he spied a small cabin and barn. He finally reached the rundown farm and saw a farmer. He explained his situation and asked for a bed or place to rest for the night. The farmer agreed but stated," it's alright with me, but on one condition- you have to sleep on the same bed between me and the wife." The gentleman gave a puzzled look, but agreed to the farmer's terms. As it became darker, the farmer retired to bed. The gentleman was very uneasy about sleeping in the same bed with a man that he did not know. But, he did agree, so he carefully & quietly crept into the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. Shortly thereafter, in walks the most gorgeous creation of a female the gentleman has ever laid his eyes on. Of course she was completely naked. She smiled at the man and proceeded to crawl into bed. Between the farmer's snoring and the wife's beauty, the man could not go to sleep. The wife noticed his ravaging erection and gently put her hand on his thigh. He was startled and looked over at her. She smiled and asked,"You want some, Baby?" He said" he11 yeah, but your husband is right there!" She replied,"Oh don't mind him, he ain't gonna wake up til the sun comes up or the rooster crows. Heck if you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his azz." The man was confused, but it had been years since he had a good shot of leg like this. He reached up under the farmer's left leg, found a ripe hair to pluck and- DINK. The farmer did not even move or stop snoring. Astonished he rolled over on top of the woman and gave her one he!! of a ride. He dozed off a bit afterward, but yearned for more. He peered over at the woman who still lay awake. Again she queried," You want some more Baby?" Same answer. Shocked, he raised the farmer's leg and plucked another hair- DINK. This went on several times during the night. Finally used to the routine, the man said," Yeah yeah I know reach up under him and pluck a hair out of his azz!" About the time the man lifted the farmer's leg and had azzhair in grasp, the farmer grabbed a firm hold of the man's wrist and said," Look, I don't care how many times you screw my wife, but PLEASE stop keeping score on my azz!" |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4747 Registered: Jul-05 | OMG ! dude ! thats ^^^ frickin hilarious BIG LOL !!!!!!!!..... great jokes guys , i posted alot & i'm glad 2 see other ppl have a good sense of humor too .... |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 196 Registered: Nov-05 | Why I am tired..... For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood pressure or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million. 140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with fighting the Al Qaeda. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for state government. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are sitting on your a $$, at your computer, reading jokes. Nice, real nice! |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4755 Registered: Jul-05 | i got that 1^^ through email b4 but its still amusing ..... ====================================================  |
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Gold Member Username: RovinTrinidad & T... Post Number: 4756 Registered: Jul-05 | A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunatly, the saloon's regulars had a habit of picking on strangers. When the cowboy finished his drink he went out to his horse. Not to his suprise his horse wasnt there. He went back in, handily flipped his gun in the air, caught it, and shouted loudly, "All right, I'm gonna get another drink and by the time I go back out, I want my horse to be there or I'm gonna be forced to do what I did in Texas!" The cowboy, true to his word, had a beer and walked outside to find that his horse was there. The bartender curiously walked out with him and said tenativley, "Say partner, Before you go, can I ask what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned and said, "I had to walk home !"......... |
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Bronze Member Username: Bies08Wheaton, Kansas Post Number: 31 Registered: Dec-05 | There's a Rich guy and a Poor guy talking to eachother about their what their gonna get their wives for their anniversary(sp) The Poor guy asks the rich guy "What are you going to get your wife for your anniversary??" The rich guys says " A Diamond ring and a new car" The Poor guy asks why, and the rich guy says "because if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive the car to take it back." Then the Rich guys asks the Poor guy what he's gonna get his wife for her anniversary and he says "I'm going to get her some slippers and a dil/do" The rich guy stunned, asked "Why's that??" The poor guy says, "Well if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go F*ck herself!" ...haha...my basketball coach told me that one, I gotta good kick outta it! |
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Silver Member Username: Texas_bassHouston, TX Post Number: 199 Registered: Nov-05 | bush waxing http://www.wimp.com/waxing/ And this person has tourette http://www.tourettesguy.com/ |
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Anonymous | How do you starve a ni.gger. Hide his foodstamps under his workboots. |
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Bronze Member Username: PelonaPost Number: 87 Registered: Dec-05 | how do you make a mexican unemployed? take his lawnmower. and Anonymous, why dont you show your name. Afraid of ni.ggers? |
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Anonymous | |
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Bronze Member Username: PelonaPost Number: 91 Registered: Dec-05 | wooooooooo yeah vato dats wut i be talking bout vato i be getting bie me some mota, pollo, chilakiles n jamaica vato |
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